Losing a loved one is very, very painful and difficult for anyone to endure. In some ways, it is more painful when we lose a loved one than if we personally are experiencing sickness and great pain.
When we lose a loved one, there are so many different emotions confronting us. These emotions can run the gamut of human feelings. What could I have done to help more? Why did God do this? I should have said this or done that. How will I survive on my own?
Talking or writing about losing a loved one is a very, personal, and emotional topic. I don’t pretend to have all the answers that will help someone survive such painful times. What I do have is the experience of living through the death of family members including, spouses, a young son and friends/relatives who died much “before their time”.
I believe writing about these painful feelings actually helps the healing process. Writing about our feelings and also fears, validates them and helps us live though the pain and feelings of loss. The writing does not have to be great writing, just your words expressing how you feel including fear of the future and concerns about your welfare.
Through facing and embracing the pain of loss, we can see more quickly the light at the end of the tunnel. We eventually learn that light "does shine" through the darkness and we will feel peace again someday. By not "facing the pain of loss" directly, we place ourselves in an "artificial place" trying to protect ourselves and survive day to day. I do not think there are shortcuts to avoid or minimize the pain we feel when we lose a loved one. I do feel we need to face the loss and not run away or avoid the healing process.
I don’t pretend my approach is the best for everyone who experiences the loss of a loved one. I do know for me, facing the loss and writing about it helped me heal more quickly and move forward in life. Reaching out to help other people actually helps us heal as there are always those who are "worse off" than what we are personally going through.
Blessings, hope and love to you,
Marsh
I have added a study guide entitled Losing A Loved One, For "Anyone Experiencing Personal Loss"
NOTE: You might want to check out Studies called; "Facing Pain & Trouble", "Living in a Gray World" and "Personal Journey & Purpose". These short studies have helped me in times of personal loss. Just click: " Bible Study Guides" at the top of this page.
Where am I?
Where am I?
I don't really know
Thought I was
moving ahead
Thought I was
making progress
Now, I don't think so
Running in place
Spinning my wheels
Walking on a treadmill
Fast track to nowhere
Nowhere where man!
Maybe so
The question should be
Where am I going?
But more importantly
Where have I been?
Where am I now?
Why am I here?
Why don’t I know?
Maybe the future
will reveal itself
I hope so
I pray so
Sometime soon
Soon, because I can’t
keep this fast pace for long
I can’t maintain this high
activity level indefinitely
Why?
Because there is nothing
behind this fast pace
Stopping reveals a lost person
Slowing down reveals
someone concerned
Concerned how I
move forward
Move forward
without my wife
Move forward
without her in my life
I need answers of
substance soon
If not, the spinning wheel
will reveal empty space preoccupied
09/21/1999 Before dinner,
Axis in Seattle
Pain, Negative or Positive?
Don't feel much pain today
I don’t know why
Am in pain,
I think.
Don’t feel anything
No feelings of love
No feelings of hate
No feelings of hope
Would feel something
Should feel something
Must feel something,
I think
Feeling neither pain nor peace
Peace or pain, the same to me
I should care, but I don’t
I do care,
I think
Love or hate?
What’s the difference?
I don’t think
I don’t care
I don’t feel
Does anyone care?
I don’t
I am neither in a negative
nor positive mood
Maybe, I would like to be
neutral for a while
Sounds like a good
position to be
Neither in pain nor in peace
Neither loved nor hated
Neither alive nor dead
But, on second thought
Neutrality would be painful
Too painful just accepting
Too painful just existing
Lord, give me the pain
of a true heart
10/03/1999 Coal Creek Chapel
Jumbled Thoughts
What do I feel?
I don’t know and
maybe don’t care
What should I
be feeling?
If you don’t care,
neither do I
I just had a
revelation as I write
A timely message to
lead me into the future
A clear message
from the past
“Should” is a word I am
not supposed to use
That is what Arlene
used to say
Why did she say this?
Because she knew
She knew someday I would
have problems with reality
Problems with acceptance
Problems in moving
forward with my life
She knew “should”
is a word of the past
You cannot say, “should”
moving forward
Exactly her point
I now know why
02/14/2000 Hotel in Memphis
Don’t be Fooled
Don’t be fooled by my
seemingly positive attitude
Don’t be fooled by my bravado
Don't be fooled my intellectual explanations I am doing OK
Don’t think I have it together,
or presume I am healing rapidly
The truth is, I have never
hurt so much in my life
Never had such great pain,
or felt such total loss in my life
Don’t let me fool you
There was so much pain,
I thought I had died
Felt all had been lost
Feelings of worst case
scenario, magnified a
thousand times
In some ways,
I think I did die
So much of me was lost
when Arlene passed away
Friends and relatives tried
to prepare me for the loss
Thought I knew
what to expect
So much reality of loss,
my life came to an end
My loss so great as to be
born again in the light of life
Pain so intense it dulled
my reaction to life’s realities
In reality, my spirit has
risen from the ashes
of life on earth
In reality, a clearness of understanding there is
only one way forward
Only one way to honor,
respect and demonstrate
total love for my wife
You see
We can
determine the future
We can move forward
positively
Respecting the past
Honoring the present
Receptive to the future
Did I say
determine the future?
It is in truth true
As long as we accept
His road map for us
09/24/1999 All night flight
Chicago to Paris
Grace and Blessings
Feelings of peace
abound in my heart
I am in pain but rejoice
In sorrow but feel blessed
In mourning but with a glow
Why do I have a glow?
Because I was blessed
to have Arlene in my life
I know she is in Heaven
She told us
about the angels
I am blessed because
of our great love
We had everything we
could possibly want
Love for each other
Love for others
Love for God
All we really missed was
more time on earth
Additional time to love
and spend time together
But we will have
forever in eternity
10/09/1999 Coal Creek Chapel
Loneliness -- I’ve got
your number
Loneliness!
I know you well
Empty feelings
through my body
I shrink at the clout
of your unrelenting attack
Shudder at the power
and strength of you're
controlling thoughts
Loneliness!
One of Satan’s greatest
tools of destruction
Satan’s best attack
on businessmen’s minds
Satan uses loneliness
as a primary means
of separating us
A major strategy
of disarming us
He makes us believe
we are alone
He tries to prove no one
cares anything about us
Loneliness!
An extremely strong
human feeling
A logical belief
as friends desert
An understandable
belief when relatives
occasionally disappear
Our belief we are alone
when spouses disengage
Loneliness is a belief we are alone, unless we have human interaction
Loneliness!
We can never be lonely if
we are truly living with God
We will never be lonely believing
He created, cared, cares
and saved us
If we have God in our hearts,
how can we ever be lonely?
It is impossible to be
lonely with God by our side
Loneliness is of human origin,
exploited by a devious Satan
Has anyone ever written of
being lonely in Heaven?
07/25/2000 Dollywood,
in a small Chapel