Description:
There are many questions raised about the accountability process. In this lesson, we will answer those questions.
“Blessing on you as you enter an accountability friendship with a friend. May God use it in your life and in the life of your friend to draw you both closer to God.”
– C. Marsh Bull
Accountability Study
LESSON 4 – Accountability Nuts and Bolts
(www.mensgroup.org – “Original Study”)
PRAY: A suggested opening prayer for small group members or individuals to invite God to connect as we seek Him in His Word. Feel free to add your own words, “in prayer.”
Father, you want the best for us all the time and we know how important it is to be connecting with other men. Help us find the men who will best encourage our spiritual development and our development in the other areas of our lives.
OPENING QUESTIONS:
1. If you have built a fence on your property or even if you had someone else build it, what did you learn about fence building?
2. What kind of fences do you have in your life? Are they meant to keep people inside or outside of the fence?
SCRIPTURE PASSAGE:
Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? (Luke 14:28) Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account. (Hebrews 4:13)
LESSON:
We all have fences in our lives. We have built them to protect us emotionally and spiritually, and maybe in other ways, too. We use them to keep our life more private, to protect our property, and to set boundaries for us, our neighbors, and criminals. It is a boundary, a hopefully immovable object that prevents us and others from overstepping.
If you were to build a new fence, what process would you have to go through to ensure a good end in your work? Here are some questions that might help:
· What is the reason you are building this fence?
· What will your fence encompass?
· What type of fence are you building?
· What information do you need to make sure you are doing the right steps?
· What materials and tools will you need, and who will you need to help you?
· You will have to place the poles securely in the ground first to support the fence structure. Then, attach the crossbars to connect the poles together and then attach each fence board.
· Now you must ask, will I paint or stain it or let it mature naturally?
· Finally, you start enjoying it, but have to ask one final question, what will I need to do to maintain this fence?
Deciding to have an accountability partner in your life is like building a fence. One that protects you, informs you, challenges you, and you appreciate because of its great benefits. As our verses emphasized, count the cost and remember you are ultimately accountable to God for your life.
Here is what is necessary in this friendship:
An accountability partner is a person to whom you entrust the intimate details of your life. It is essential for every person. The concept of accountability stems from a genuine desire to maintain a high level of personal righteousness and perpetuate the three ideals of purity of life, clarity of purpose, and continued evangelistic and spiritual growth in your life.
An accountability partner is an individual of your own choosing and of your own gender who meets with you on a regular basis to hold you accountable to the questions which you prepare for them in areas of your life you feel challenged. Questions may be in the social, family, friendships, morality, emotional, spiritual, and mental areas of your life.
It is preferred that the friendship NOT be reciprocal. This means it would only be one-way in responsibility. The reasons for this are below. However, if your partner desires to also be held accountable by you, this could happen, although it takes the extreme maturity of both men to handle issues objectively if you, too, are struggling in the same area as them. It is preferable that they find a different person with whom to be accountable.
Steps in securing an accountability partner:
1. Find a person of integrity; one who meshes well with your personality. Pray about your connection to that person before approaching them.
2. At your invitation, take them out for coffee with no strings attached. If you feel comfortable with them, at that time, then ask them to consider taking on this special responsibility for you. If you feel you need a couple more meetings to make sure you feel comfortable, do that. You are not in a rush.
3. Decide on a time to regularly meet, each week, every other week, or once per month, and make an extreme effort to never miss it.
4. At this meeting, talk about the areas of your life in which you are weak and strong. Prepare for them five to ten questions that you want them to ask you each time you meet.
5. Maintain this relationship for at least one year and then evaluate it. (Some of the questions will change as you achieve victories, so be flexible.)
*Advantage of one-way accountability: This insures the maintenance of high standards. If a common weakness is present and the accountability is two-way, one could easily excuse the other person rather than pursue God's will.
*Advantage of two-way accountability: Obviously, the advantage of economizing your time is present. This method depends on the chemistry and spiritual maturity levels of both individuals.
It is always a good thing to have an accountability partner. You might be thinking, I wish I had had this information sooner in my life, but now is as good a time as ever to begin with one. Follow the guidelines above and you will enjoy having someone in your life that prays and cares for you on a regular basis.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
1. What questions do you still have about an accountability partner?
2. Reflecting on the fence analogy, how could you apply this type of process to accountability?
3. Why do you think it would be better to be one-way accountability rather that both ways?
APPLICATION:
1. After working through these four lessons, what has impacted you?
2. Why do you think men need to have an accountability partner?
3. Take a moment and think about up to three men you might feel comfortable asking to be your accountability friend.
CLOSING PRAYER:
Father, you continually challenge us with being in community, and we know that maintaining an accountability friend is helpful to protect us from ourselves and others. Help us find the one person who will agree to do this with us and help it to continue to be a great experience for our spiritual growth.
Suggested Additional Resources:
It is good for your accountability partner to have the information in the paragraphs above starting with the words, “An accountability partner is…” and ending with the two “advantages”
We give you permission to copy and paste it on a blank sheet of paper and have it ready to give to them in person or send to them by email. Discuss it at the meeting where you are considering asking them to be the one for you.
Outside of what will be discussed in these four lessons, you can search the web under “Christian Accountability Partner” and you’ll find additional help in understanding this important relationship.
This concludes our Accountability Study.
All our Blessings,
Men’s Group Foundation, Inc.
A mensgroup.org “Third Party Original Study”
Written by Richard Matteson
Rmattesonrealty@gmail.com
214-690-6662
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