Positive Purpose
Waking up early on Saturday, April 10th I wrote the poem Cancer Dancer. For me, it immediately revealed my approach to this new and challenging chapter in my life.
Does a positive attitude really make a difference in the outcome of the troubles, tribulations, and losses we face? What do you think of this approach?
Cancer Dancer
You’re one hell of a partner
You think you’re pretty good
An uninvited prancing dancer
But let’s make one thing clear
I lead
You follow
Got it?
I’ve finally learned that any challenges, losses, and difficulties faced in life are to be embraced, not run from. As it tells us in Psalm 66:10-12:
For you, God, tested us; you refined us like silver. You brought us into prison and laid burdens on our backs. You let people ride over our heads; we went through fire and water, but you brought us to a place of abundance.
I believe what God tells us in Psalm 66. Trusting God, I know whatever I face in life it will be OK. For me, it has been, it is, and it will be all right in the future. Feeling this strongly that morning, I quickly wrote a second poem titled Cancer Dancer II.
Cancer Dancer II
Just a double check
my not so pretty partner
You probably think you’re
leading but you’re not
You might jump in for
a few steps but,
I lead the way
We will dance aright
We may dance all night
But never, ever step
on my toes
At the end of our dance
We will bow to each other
You go your way,
I go mine
I know my path
You have no
idea of your path
Probably a dark place,
opposite my destination
into the light
Following my heavenly
partner in a dance of love
In this second poem, God’s light starts to shine through my new medical challenges. To me, it’s not necessarily a challenge but a test of my faith and fortitude to fully trust God and continue to follow His narrow path planned for me.
Last night my dream was writing a book about my experiences with cancer someday. Cancer Conversations supported by poems may provide the foundation for further writing. I hope and pray you will join me on this new journey of discovery and peace.
Because I’m not afraid I’m looking forward to confronting cancer. Some people would consider this foolish, stupid, or maybe crazy. Certainly, this attitude doesn’t make sense in our secular world. Our earthly world doesn’t give us the understanding and wisdom we need to deal with the evil, corruption, losses, or painful things that happen to us. The world offers no lasting foundation or substance of truth giving us the tools needed to climb over the immense challenges and trials we face living our lives.
Why am I looking forward to this new challenge? I know with absolute certainty there is a reason and purpose this is happening to me and trusting everything will work out for both my personal purpose and for God’s Godly purpose.
Could this approach cause problems for me, my wife, my kids, family, and friends as I gradually reveal my boldness toward cancer? I anticipate some won’t understand or concur with my attitude. They may think I’m not being serious about cancer and possibly putting myself at risk. I can’t hide what I believe and feel in my heart, body, and soul regarding this fresh challenge in my life.
I’m Eager about Cancer
Why?
Maybe it’s because I’m crazy
Why would anyone in their
right mind say this?
Why would anyone wish
that for anyone, much
less themselves?
Even as I write the idea
seems shocking to me
Actually, disgusting
Certainly, sordid
Really, blasé
Truly, stupid
Maybe
Crazy
I really don’t care
what others think
I’m not cracked
I’m not foolish
I’m not unwise
I’m not rash
I’m in Love
Love of my Godly father!
I know absolutely things
will work out for me and
His purpose for me
I must be OK with this,
I’m staking my
life on it
I just wish others
could be as lucky
and blessed
(Written 05/30/21)
As the pace of continued diagnosis, tests, and treatment plans heats up, I find myself becoming busier, more stressed, and feeling much less peaceful than usual. The poem below tried to capture what I was feeling that day trying to discover a path forward through the medical, insurance, and administrative avalanche facing me.
Poem & Prayer Today
What’s going on?
I’ve been relaxed
I’m confident
I’m stressed
I’m ornery
at times
So, why not feeling
blessed as customary
Peaceful as normally
Calm as expected
I don’t have an answer
It isn’t about cancer,
that I know!
But maybe it’s about the
Nurses
Doctors
CT scans
PET scans
MRI scans
Maybe scans
of scans
Maybe about the
Authorization forms
Medical History forms
Prescription forms
Survey forms
Billing forms
Maybe forms
with forms
Lord, I believe things will
work out and the cancer eradicated
I know you are in control, and I trust you
But I’m running around with my skull open
Busyness taking over my life and
squeezing out time for you
I pray for peace and
your presence!
(Written 06/01/21)
The poem below, Cancer Prancer, was written on June 15th, 2021. I’m not very happy and am in a holding pattern concerning cancer treatment options and when they start. I’m getting my first side effects from my prescription which have snuck up on me.
I didn’t think I had any side effects until realizing my exercise routine was getting tougher to complete. I have less strength and stamina than I used to. The poem was written very quickly sitting in a Walmart parking lot. I never really know when and how ideas and words will flow but I’ve learned to take them anytime and anywhere they land on my doorstep or even car step.
Cancer Prancer
Stop
Just Stop!
I don’t like your dancing
I don’t like your prancing
Private dance instructor you say!
Wasted time
Wasted plans
Wasted money
New prance choreography you declare!
Wasted steps
Wasted music
Wasted routine
New love for me you proclaim!
Wasted letters
Wasted words
Wasted feelings
Maybe I need to yell something
Maybe I need to shout something
Maybe I need to express something
Just something, anything
to make you go away
You can go to hell!
How’s that for a declaration?
How’s that for a proclamation?
How’s that sound to your deaf ears?
Or maybe something subtle like
If you don’t stop prancing
If you don’t stop dancing
I’ll shoot at your feet
Make you dance
to a new tune
That is until I raise my sight
to be sure I “don’t miss”
Got it?
Stop
Just Stop
In the poem below I tried to answer the question which is worse, “Fear or Dread.” The answer may not be what you might expect.
Fear or Dread
Which is worse?
Most people would
probably say fear
Why?
Because they equate fear with
Calamities
Accidents
Tragedies
Disasters
Mishaps
Disease
Illness
Catastrophes
Terror
Torture
Torment
Sickness
Affliction
And “anything else” we
are fearful or afraid of
I say, “so what!”
These are just earthly
challenges we face as
human beings and we
can overcome them
But what about dread?
It must be better than fear
To me dread is much worse
because we can develop habits of
dreading most everything if,
we don’t understand it,
it is something new,
it is unknown,
it is unusual,
it is unfamiliar,
It’s simply different
But dread can steal happiness
and eliminate joy in our lives
Much more powerful than fear
Fear can be overcome
when faced directly
Dread is more of a
devious opponent
Why?
Because dread reduces
our power to join in the fray,
our energy to overcome challenges,
our power to rise to the occasion
Dread equates with
Woe
Ache
Angst
Agony
Anxiety
Dismay
Anguish
Trepidation
Distress
Sorrow
Misery
Worry
Alarm
Grief
Panic
Dreads sap our energy
robbing us of living in the
peace and joy of today’s day
Much more powerful and deadly
than any fears you are facing
or will face tomorrow
I healthily fear cancer
I fully dread an
unfulfilled life
Fear and live
Dread and
slowly die
(Written June 16, 2021)
What do you think of this poem and why do you think dread is worse than fear or fear is worse than dread? Or maybe you think they are the same. The quote below helps us better understand dread vs fear. Sometimes a dread can be more powerful than a fear or fears we have.
“The dread of loneliness is greater than the fear of bondage, so we get married.”
— Cyril Connolly
No matter what you decided remember what Romans 8:15 tells us:
The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” NIV
Deuteronomy 31:6 includes both fear and dread by saying we are not to be either afraid or in dread:
“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” NIV